Chocolate Eyes

2011-10-23T00:38:00.002+05:30

you must remember this
a kiss is just a kiss
a sigh is just a sigh
the fundamental things apply
as time goes by...
and when two lovers woo
they still say i love you
on that you can rely
no matter what the future brings
as time goes by...

Routine

2011-10-21T07:03:00.001+05:30

The day runs every day. It used to pause and throw a look at me. It used to be look of surprise, then it turned to an imploring look, a sad look, a disapproving look. It remained a mock for a long time. Now it has become a look of disregard, the one reserved by a sincere yet snobby student for the lower half of the score card. And I respond like any dignified member of that lower half, with my own self justified smirk of disdain.

2011-08-22T22:26:00.001+05:30

I sleep, so I can walk in my dreams, walk wherever I want to. So I can see stories that make no sense. So I can see people that I think about all day without knowing. Sometimes I sleep so I can fly, feel the rush as I jump, the power as I glide above houses, the restrained nerves before I come back to ground again.

I am lonely when I'm not alone.

me

2011-04-08T22:12:00.002+05:30

The me that rules the world. The me that I love. The me that has served me well. The me that's the best that I have known. The me that's the best ever. The me that has a plan. The me that can take everything. The me that comes out from everything. The me that is Indian. The me that loves. The me that's humble. And the me that's proud to be me.

2010-12-20T22:23:00.002+05:30

the morning came as it always does
sleepy by my side
and i thought it was love
when i saw u in that white sweater
its winter and its cold
and i long for your embrace
to have you by my side
and stare at your face forever

2010-12-16T00:07:00.003+05:30

No man is born with ideas and ideals. They are formed over a course of time, over conversations, over experiences, over interactions. Young, man drifts from one to the next trying them out, building and demolishing beliefs as fast as time passes him by. What forms though is his ability to reason, which he uses for justifications of beliefs that cling on. That man should never be chastised for his beliefs or for his past infidelity with them.

2010-11-17T09:32:00.003+05:30

Times in life when you realize you need to do something different than what you have been doing, for whatever reasons, are hard. Change is never easy. Once you settle into something, esp something that is comfortable and meets your social and personal needs, it takes effort to change how you think. And you tend to be cynical. The key is to know what you want, find what is important and work only towards it, without caring for anything else. To be single-minded and not to indulge in thoughts that distract you from it.

self

2010-11-17T00:34:00.001+05:30

Not the most patriotic time of the year, but I somehow feel good to be an Indian.

2010-10-29T07:40:00.002+05:30

Somewhere I read "You have reached the pinnacle of success as soon as you uninterested in money, compliments, or publicity". I don't think I want money too much. I mean I want money but I am content with what I have and I don't crave for insane amounts. I do fish for compliments, a lot, and I have mentioned before that that's something I don't like about myself. But for someone who doesn't have many vices, its just a boost that I need to keep myself going, even though I should be able to be work on my own. As far as publicity goes, I am content to remain behind the stage. Sometimes I end up being talked about and then I berate myself for being too self-centered and not letting others be a part of the group just as much as I am.

Not for me and me

2010-10-25T02:24:00.005+05:30

Not for me are the rolling stones. I lay steady on the sidewalk. Not for me are the crowns and chains. Red stripes on white will do just as well. Not for me the thousand word poems with structures putting labyrinths to shame. Just simple questions that ignite my curiosity. Not for me the sculptures that praise the hands who carved them. A clean mirror that reflects me is all I need. Not the six-course meals which feed more than they should and less than they could. Just roti, dal and aloo bhujia. Not the airplane rides that take me across the oceans. But the desire to walk the whole world and see. Not the comfort of the curve. But the will to soar.

2010-10-14T07:08:00.002+05:30

Its like you keep on sacrificing things in your life, never losing sight of your goal, and then something comes across that you love so much, that you forget everything and nothing else matters.

smileys and symbols

2010-09-15T11:12:00.002+05:30

Sometimes your heart desires exactly what is denied. You get options, better to any rational mind, but you forget reason and make up your own. You smile, as if only you know a secret. You believe against all odds. You insist and you persist. You defy, feel like a rebel. You get motivated and inspired, without any apparent stimuli, except your own hidden lair of confidence. You gently clench your fists every time you think of it. You forget everything else. That's when you know.

Reprise

2010-08-30T00:30:00.009+05:30

I am ambitious, smart and funny. I am what I aspire to be and I am what you don't know you should be. I am the answer to all my questions. I am the toothbrush that brushes my teeth, I am my toothpaste and I am my teeth. I am fixed and I am ever changing. I am the wave to a friend and I am the cry of a lark. I am Krishna and I am the Buddha. I am the light in the tunnel and I am the dark. I am music and I am lyrics. I am an atom. I am right in the middle and I am the end. I am the fragrance of a rose and I am the bend of my knee. I am my hands and I am the dripping water from a tree. I am a samosa and I am the chutney. I am bound by myself and I am the only one free. I am a poem and I am a riot. I am a dot and I am the ohm. I am Ramayana and I am Mahabharata. I am red. I am the arrogance and I am the deference. I am defiant. I am the breath and I am sweat. I am the strum of a string and I am the buzz of a bee. I am the road and I am the dust. I am a light unto myself. I am.

Excuses and inhibitions

2010-08-26T03:49:00.004+05:30

Music does something to me, and i would guess, just to hide my insecurities behind it, to everyone else too, doesn't it ? The beats, the rhythm, and sometimes the words, in some way or the other, sync with the speed and the rhythm of my brain and my body, and i find myself running along with them, at their pace, being guided by them, into the unknown. Its full of joy and a sense of wonder. Its like there is someone who understands and lets me be. And I want to be with him. I remember things. I admire and think how its so apt for me. Sometimes I feel alone, at times I feel like running. But mostly, I feel at home, on a rainy morning, curled up in bed, hugging myself. And I don't quite understand what it says about me, but I feel like crying.

(...)

2010-08-05T07:38:00.007+05:30

you come at odd hours
unannounced, unnoticed
and lay claim on my self.
i watch peacefully
with the eye reserved for my bedside window
as you wash away my thoughts,
with the meticulousness of a mother
cleaning her soiled son.
like a doting daughter
you make me forget my present
and remember
days when i humored u
days when i thought i could hold u.
i hear u complain
for the mess that i have
my tears
and i hear u scold me
for my fears
like a punch in my gut
i feel the words
which are yours, my love.
then u bring me my wine
my dreams
i try to deny
but u stop my words with a kiss
i look u in the eye
and we drink together
as one
my temptress, my loneliness.

2010-06-28T14:32:00.002+05:30

I think I will take some time out, time out from myself, my whole being which feels superior by doing things which I do. Should be an experience. Do exactly what I am supposed to do. And see how I fare.

2010-06-24T11:42:00.000+05:30

can you hear this laugh
choose to enter the zoo
love the frailty of life
did you forget to bleed
read the faces in clouds
mean more than u said
will you fade away again
dream with written words
and fall behind scavengers

2010-06-23T09:35:00.000+05:30

When once you called me my love
i gifted you my dreams
now its just words
that will define your memory
with every part of my soul
running to catch up with your transparent images
the sketches are far from perfect
i pray for your sake
and mine
the bird flies away from my roof
leaves the flutter and the smell
feathers everywhere
the playground for seduction
of mind
sneak out of your shelters
dream for simpler times
a madness for religious experiences
without questions
sailing on the wind
cursed heavy for blowing
over unknown territories
act out yourself beside me
please me
shiver and stammer and get flustered
look out the window and lament
for the man from hell who smiles
release me
he calls out to you
kill him
as only you can
this strange hour of death
notice the glow around us
forget the angels
and come back in black.

2010-05-24T11:30:00.002+05:30

When you look at me, what do you think, if you do ? Am I the average guy who seems nice but smiles creepily sometimes ? Or am I the guy you thought was smart but turns out is almost as dumb as you were that age ? Am I the guy who is staring at you everytime you turn back in class ? Or the guy you want to maintain a safe distance from by just waving when you pass him on street ? Do you feel the need to humor me because I come in handy when you want to amuse yourself ? Or do you feel insecure by my presence ? Do you think I just act smart to get your attention ? Or maybe I am one of those eager-to-please people or with an obsessive compulsion to be right ? Do you think I am fat ? Plain ? I hope some of you also think that I am sharp. Maybe better.
I look in the mirror everyday. The face that stares back is familiar but I dont know what goes on inside his head. He feels happy when he shouldn't be and is angry at things that should be passed aside by a shrug. I dont know why he thinks about things as he does. Does he care for others or is he as self-possessed as I think he is. Or maybe these are not mutually exclusive. Anyways, he is looking better as his hair grows longer and longer.

Stratosphere

2010-05-09T09:35:00.003+05:30

Last night was one of the religious experiences that I have every once in a while. Questions were asked that made me think and in the sleep that followed, I found answers. I must've thought if I've written, but vanity doesn't lie down quiet. It takes over the style. It's acceptable if it could be manipulated by the ego which is just as restless, though infinitely more acceptable. Being true needs a subject. Because the conjuring of an image is so difficult, hence the need for a god. And the attempt is then made to be comfortable being naked.

fight for beliefs

2010-03-31T11:07:00.004+05:30

I am one of the most fucked up people in head that I know. In fact I cant even say that, because I dont know how everyone feels and if I did, i dont know how I would have felt had I known that I was the only one who had these thoughts. I have the utmost belief in myself and my principles and my sense of righteousness and how I should behave and what is good for me and what is not. Sometimes I think it borders on arrogance, thought I have never found that to be disturbing.
I think all that this is, is that sometimes its just hard to keep believing in yourself without being able to talk to anyone else, anyone who I respect as I do myself. Maybe the wise thing is to circumvent everything and take care of myself. Or maybe what I need is to be calm and composed.
Anyways, long breaths and we continue.

Soliloquy of the Solipsist

2010-03-17T03:10:00.002+05:30

I
Know you appear
Vivid at my side,
Denying you sprang out of my head
Claiming you feel
Love fiery enough to prove flesh real,
Though it's quite clear
All your beauty, all your wit, is a gift, my dear,
From me.

2010-01-27T20:24:00.005+05:30

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.

to the free night

2009-11-26T09:03:00.003+05:30

from today, its only going to be just you and me. not one else. not a single one. we start an affair, today, tonight. i say that i need you. there, i let it out in the open. i need you like i need to sleep. i need you like i need to weep sometimes. i need you like i need cookies at midnight. i need you like i need silence. i need you like i need you to talk to me. i need you like i need you to listen to me. i need you like i need words right now. i need you like i need you when i don't have you. i need you. from today, we shed all inhibitions and live for each other. every moment of every thought that i think, i know that you exist. i know that if no one else, i have you. we don't care who thinks what, who shares what with us, who praises or who does not, whether we rhyme or we lose all reason, we will be together, i will have you. i cannot let go of you. i desire you. i admire you. because you inspire me.

and things i say i mean
shapes of clouds in sky
both dark and white in sky
like memories gone by
a smile is on your face
no words come out as words
and a failure is every try
like in memories gone by
and u see some birds and dream
green or blue or green
trust is in your eyes
and u let yourself fall
into the soft sweet embrace
of memories gone by

dreams.

2009-10-09T09:05:00.004+05:30

There must be truth in the dreams I have,
for why else should I sleep ?
To let me rest and wake up again
and lament and weep.
And weep I must, for it is good,
good it is that I let it out;
and care not much for things I have
just sleep, sleep and sleep...

When the music's over

2009-09-16T04:05:00.002+05:30

I have absolutely no idea what triggered this. Just like smell boomerangs the most haunting of memories, abruptly sliding open the drawers with trinkets from past years, awakening the deepest sleeping not-so-beauties and many more than just seven dwarves (and all Grumpies), so does music. Maybe it was just the song, the rhythm of words. Or maybe the words in the profile and the photos beside them. Can never be sure. But they did their job for sure. There you go.

identity crisis

2009-07-15T20:46:00.001+05:30

I do not write stories. I do not write poetry either, at least often. On issues of national implications and contemporary importance, I feel hollow, and hence unjustified, to comment. Nor do I have funny words for boring, everyday life. But I do write words, and I daresay, they carry meanings, individually, as well as in their, if I may say so, well-structured groups. I lack the author's eye and his boldness, but I do have a will (whose, I can't say, because of the aforementioned blindness). I fear self-indulgence and I resort to it as my last hope. Criticism, I neither expect (not because I question its existence, for I know its presence to be plain easy and have availed myself to that facility, but because I would be surprised at the existence of an audience) nor care for...

daleel...

2009-05-21T13:36:00.001+05:30

Its not that I ever was more inclined towards quantity than quality, or even the other way round. It has never mattered. Its just that my sense of humour refuses to be a puppet at the hands of my intellect.

2.48

2009-04-17T01:52:00.001+05:30

why write. when the delight of putting words to your thoughts is lost in the attempts of pushing thoughts onto your words. why see. when the sense of sight surfaces only images smeared to suit their surroundings. why imagine. when the dreams are no more your own.

long forgotten roads...

2009-04-08T01:13:00.005+05:30

a lie (regretted as i post this), an inspiration (thanks rupal), an experiment, a moment when i hung on to something very close to my heart, my dear mobile set, and my self, that's all that i think are behind these two sketches and their posting here... hope i can do it more often.

satisfaction...

2009-04-02T05:22:00.001+05:30

I used to re-read the words. They were the promises of days I used to wish for. Now, its only the voice that echoes in my ears. Remembrance is tougher. It's only a feeling now, a feeling that keeps slipping away. Mystery sacrificed for intimacy. Omne ignotum pro magnifico. Should I complain, though, when the present opens future for much more than the past ever dared to imagine, independent of outcomes of the continuing transformation ?

2.48

2009-03-29T02:39:00.001+05:30

I like loneliness. I admire the way it lets me loose, to fall, with nothing but my self to hold on to. I am in awe of its ability to guide me to places which I never knew existed, goals which I never thought mattered, fires which I never realized burnt.

As time goes by

2009-03-29T02:33:00.003+05:30

The smell of bitter almonds always reminded me of unrequited love. Not for me. Not, because I have not yet tasted unrequited love. However, I do have a locker room of feelings, each lock to be opened by something that was once a part of the time, the speck in history which ignited emotions intense enough that they live even now. And it only takes those things, very unimportant in themselves, except for when they act as stirrers for the long-forgotten portions of memory, to remind us that past is never completely forgotten. It lives within us, leaving us completely miserable and helpless, whenever it gets a chance to make us completely miserable and helpless.

Roads and Desires

2009-03-29T01:32:00.003+05:30

I am acutely aware of the fact that I am on the borderline, of everything. In the quest for being balanced, which I have devoted my as-yet-thought-of life, where I have tried to find reasons for things I do, and thereafter finding good reasons for the right things, I have tended to be in a state of constant mental arguments. Every second of my life witnesses a debate inside me, on topics ranging from anything to everything., but each one with an underlying motive of helping me do the right thing, a search for the correct conduct which will somehow help me in my future life. At least it's supposed to be, though I cannot make very strong claims as to what will be helpful for success, or for that matter, even what is success. Nevertheless, I believe this habit will solve all these problems.

2.48

2009-02-24T02:37:00.002+05:30

Loneliness has a habit to arrive at the strangest of times. With all the good things happening around me, I suddenly find myself looking for company. Friends have been scarce, that I know for a fact. But I treasured those I had. It's changed. There are red and green icons on Gtalk, numbers in my cell phone, a sense of belonging to someone in my heart. I like myself being connected. But these all vanish as I look for them. It's a sinking feeling, as they say, and its getting more frequent. Weeping is not becoming of the male species. I am supposed to be tough. Can's shout, can't talk. Don't know what I am going to do.

Preface

2009-02-24T00:51:00.007+05:30

This piece is a first in a series that I wish to write as I go through the book "The Argumentative Indian". I hope to solve two purposes. First, I want to learn a different way of writing than what I currently have. Right now, my words convey very abstruse, if not vague, thoughts. I wish to use them for something more specific. I think writing about what one of the most intellectual persons has to say about India should be a good start. Second, as the author himself suggests, I want to do "an academic study" on some of the topics and issues related to India. At the same time, I don't want my own thoughts, meagre as they are, already influenced by the author's, to be lost. I believe writing them down should help maintain their individuality.

I have long held that the most important quality that parents should impart to their children is the ability to think rationally. But the ability to reason also needs to be practised. Knowing what is right and what is wrong is the first step towards doing what is right. And this has to be practised in real life, in matters that are of immediate concern to us. Disengaging the daily life from the so-called "scholarly" thoughts has been one of the biggest crimes we committed. When a custom was made by the "scholars" of the past, it served some purpose. That consequence needs to be known to everyone who follows that custom. Otherwise, the course of time transforms that custom into blind faith, a ready tool for extremists to meet their interests. Evolution of civilization by definition makes redundant a lot of things which earlier generations used to do. But again, discarding them without any thought is just as harmful. The fact that we can't understand their implications is a reflection on our intellect, not a case against their usefulness. This is where the argumentative man finds the highest manifestation of his abilities.

The author has cited examples which reflect the argumentative tradition of India. A deeper understanding might allow me to form opinions about some of them. As of now, I am content with just reading the preface.

Of cries and more

2009-02-17T02:58:00.003+05:30

There comes a time when you have to accept defeat. Realization does not mark the moment. Not even the acceptance. For, lying only fools others. It works from within, slowly detoxing you. And then, with the final sweep, it leaves you with a purity which dignifies your choice. The choice of help.
Help shall be provided to all who ask for it, isnt it ?

2.48

2009-02-17T02:37:00.003+05:30

The thing about good things is that they are never planned. Plans will go wrong in a moment. Its the moment which does it. The ability to react in that moment.
You think something and then you write something else. It happens when you plan for things, even if it means planning unplanned writings.
There are some emotions which take over you in a course of time. Your love and your loss. These feelings take a while to sink in. But there is a definite moment when you realize that you have lost. The moment has not yet arrived for the second case.
Its the inability to understand oneself, above everything else. Your actions speak, not for yourself, but more importantly, to yourself, if only you hear them.

2009-02-08T01:04:00.001+05:30

" aise gen me u dont get to meet nd talk to people u like.."
"hmm...baat to hai"

"Viewer Discretion Is Advised"

2009-02-08T00:58:00.004+05:30

"...and the problem is, for a whole lot of this generation, the only point of young life has become to drink, smoke, think of drugs, think of girls, and that's it. Somehow I have a problem fitting in."
"ye kahan se mila ??"
"bas nikal gaya..."

Obsessions, habits and likes

2009-02-04T01:50:00.003+05:30

"So tell me mister ... umm ... what's your name again ?"
"Does it really matter ?"
"Well, I guess the content won't. But I am a medical student. I know how to be less painful."
"Do you know how to be more ?"
"My school was one the best, and so was I."
"Then give it to me straight."
"I don't know you. You don't know me. You thought you did, but you didn't. And what transpired between us was just curiosity. For you, it has become an obsession but as for me, you have just stepped down the priority list. Is that straight enough?"
"I thought you were supposed to be a medical student."
"I thought you were supposed to be smart."
"Goodbye then. I guess we won't meet again."
"If I know you even a little, you won't meet me ever."
"If I ever knew you that much, you won't let me."

ps2 diary - week one

2009-01-16T02:39:00.000+05:30

4 people, one comp, 3 hard disks, a deck of cards, winamp 5.0, an internet connection, black polybags with snacks, one room, one bed, one fan, 4 pillows, one bog !!!! life eeeeez good :)

the one within...

2008-12-28T18:24:00.001+05:30

Tha last cry of phoenix

2008-12-13T21:51:00.004+05:30

This was coming, I knew it, we knew it, everyone knew it. I knew it when I started it, that someday it has to end. I don't know if I know what I want to say. Life gives moments, events which are there, which just happen; we don't know how much they mean. I don't think I will ever be able to fully understand or even want to understand how much me being here changed me and shaped my life. Maybe what I will feel about it after years will not be the same. Right now, I just know that I owe these moments; owe them a few words; owe them a smile, a tear; owe them my everything I have. These times that I spent, maybe I would have spent them somewhere else, maybe I would have felt the same there too. But I am here, and this place, the times, the people who came in my life, the things I learnt, they deserve this, as much as somewhere else would have deserved them. This is the hardest part now. Things I had become accustomed to, people I became familiar with, habits that I made, they are all going to go from the real world to the pages. I have never felt someone die, but I guess this is how it would feel. I saw friends leaving, one by one, the place I had grown to love and belonged to, grew deserted and now I am going to leave it too. We love and then we leave. Life would never be the same. I guess it never is. And I think I am allowed a few pangs and a moment of losing control of myself.

another 3 o'clock thought, just a little early...

2008-12-10T23:31:00.005+05:30

One of those moods where things start zooming past you, in your face, trying to show their importance and your complete lack of perspective is reflected in their meandering projectiles. Words come easily but coherence eludes their structure. Concentration is important because that's the only thing that comes from within, the objective is oblivious to the naked eye, and even to the much hyped inner eye. The spontaneity of dreams is but an excuse for an escape. The winter fog is much awaited, to justify negligence and rephrase the words.

2008-12-06T16:50:00.005+05:30

Time did not stop as I had thought and all that remains are the fading face and feeling that keeps slipping away. This one's for four years. Cheers !!

Rhapsody of tears

2008-12-03T18:43:00.004+05:30

When, in life, the faculty that was supposed to differentiate yourself from a lazy pig dozing off in the stink that is for the better part, his own creation, on finding you in circumstances not quite different, forces you to do the same and convinces your that there is nothing better to do than to indulge yourself in recollections, beginnings are among the markers that scamper for a share of your thoughts. But beginnings arrived unannounced. They were like an unexpected glade after a lethargic walk through the woods from where you saw the shy moon twinkling through the veil of clouds, only the surprise had fluctuated between ecstasy at being a part of a world which you never knew existed and the gloom of being brought back to the world that you actually had belonged to. Coherence is highly esteemed in these reveries, for trying to read a page that reminds you of a chart to test colour blindness when the past has faded the capacity to distinguish colours more than their intrinsic potential,is a task not meant for memories of individuals whose life had any claims to posterity. They have a higher goal to accomplish and any under-achievement on account of these meagre pursuits would be a graver sin for the future generations than a lack of their chronicles. But mediocrity has a place in the best of places and tolerance for the feebler minds is expected, minds that have dreams but not reason. Therein lies the profundity of this creation.

The deceptive intellectual height that my humility has always claimed I had been bestowed with has, on many instances, allowed challenges to come up where invariably the glorified promise was left unfulfilled, the raptures of victory obviated and it fell upon the disgust of a surrender to satisfy the thirst of an ego. Thus impoverished, it justified bruises on a monochromatic image, whispers in a soliloquy. And yesterday, it came. The subdued remonstrances of an apprehensive psyche were the sole harbingers of the promise that threatened to enshroud its aura. And in the end, threatening was the lesser of the missions that it accomplished. It left scars, some as bad as this.

2008-11-26T20:57:00.001+05:30

A very wonderful thing is happiness. The very unnoticeable things spark it, and if you are lucky, it goes on to take the snow-ball effect, gaining from strength to strength. The minutest of events, a simple smile, a morning breakfast, a 'good morning' wish, an evening walk, a room visit, a chat that has nothing to show except that it happened, a favorite song that you had forgot, a bath after a run, a temple visit, a nice t-shirt, a news item in paper, even a thought of something, anything. It just has to make you feel good, and then everything around you suddenly transforms for the good. Deadlines remain the same, but you find ways to meet them. People remain the same, but somehow their mood changes. You remain silent, but things are said.

And its just as astounding that somehow we let it all fade. And for most of the times, the culprit is just as insignificant. We let a small speck to mar the whole picture for us. Unwittingly, we let the things acquire meanings that they were not supposed to imply and in the process, all our energy is concentrated on the things that were meant to be neglected in the first place. And thus life goes on until the next spark.

bio-rhythms

2008-11-10T04:07:00.002+05:30

It's started looking more like a 4 o'clock thought than a 3 o'clock one

a 3 o'clock thought

2008-11-05T04:20:00.010+05:30

God intervenes when the last hope is gone

Something will happen believe and hold on.

Believe and hold on !! to what ? to what I think should happen but doesn't. and why ? 'coz all that I have in this world is my faith, or 'coz that's the most soothing remedy I can ever hope to get in my freakin life. man used to fear the unknown. now the known frightens him so much that somehow he glances into a very shining dark unknown. unity is for criminals, in crimes, in jails, in rehabs. activists, they just fight. The bigger picture is always lost. and somehow, its this loss that is the new basis for life, looking at just the thing at hand. just as the bad guys do. past muted, present insecure and future hopelessly unknown, that'e the combo for forming bonds. just a name for an entity, on an internet networking site, through blogs or in a particular case, on dc. nothing else is required or matters. and the bonds these have are closer than with those i have with the people i go through my life watching and talking to day in and day out. friends by choice and by chance. its still a fight.

the mess thats me

2008-10-26T19:33:00.006+05:30

an excamplre of waht the prohisbition on the use of bajckj-space (exce[t wjhen it is to repjrase the words) can leadf tio is this. this is an examople of a lot of ptjer thinds in mt lide. how thinds tuen thoufht ti be pire and food end up lookin all messed up and condused, not quire wat theu were inrended to be, makin me look like a complete idiot and wonderin wat tjhe hell has happend woth ,e that i m doin wat i look like doinf. This Id My Lifw. it doesnt hgave a bvack-space; once a moment is past, it cant be undone. and if i do wasnt to apell thinds out coorectly, i hav to wrote more words thatn neceddart, makinf me takin up more time than usual, which is one thinf i m vety food at in my real life. c;mon dide, way tje fuck os wtinf wid ,me ??? did u see !!! i write eberythin incorrectly. but when it comes to the "f" word i spell it out perfectly. its highlighted !! thts life foe me,... all the worst thinfs somwhiow seem to be bidder thatn the foos thinds that i habe eber done. somnehow this trens continues.

2008-10-08T03:06:00.003+05:30

somehow, fingers on keyboard don't have the feeling of a pen in hand. preciseness has been sacrificed for fluidity.

The Times They Are a-Changin'

2008-10-07T16:34:00.003+05:30

Sunday 2002 :

mummy !! school again tomorrow :( i want to stay home

Sunday 2004 :

Aah !! which monday test tomorrow ?? shitt.

Sunday 2006 :

Any tuts tomorrow ?? notes ??

Sunday 2008 :

monday tomorrow !! all new episodes :)

the good, the bad & the ugly...

2008-10-04T10:32:00.002+05:30

bliss

2008-08-29T01:05:00.005+05:30

I am happy.
I like everything.
I am GOD.
I have everything.
I am what I like.
I am me.

2008-08-25T01:49:00.004+05:30

some are born to sweet delight
some are born to endless night

- Auguries of Innocence

Out of place, out of my mind

2008-08-22T22:45:00.005+05:30

Is it bad that I wanna get high ? Is it so awwwful that I wanna forget everything and anything ?? Is it so irresponsible that i want to take responsibility for my life and make my decisions myself ?? They say that i should be myself. Is it fair then that I am expected to project images that can at best be described as works of insincerity and total detachment from the reality. Every child is born pure, they say. Have we then become so sure of our power of corrupting the human mind that we take that every being will find it intituitive to follow the suit. I do not ask for justifications. I just seek regularities and a concurrency of pattern. Is it then so amazing that I get confused and want a respite from this oppression ?? What does getting high mean anyways. I think its the sensation, felt in your head, where you feel released, where you feel the freedom of not being answerable to anyone, where you feel that everything around is there for you, where you are at peace with everything, partly because your range of everything becomes limited to your immediate surroundings, where you can take on anything in the world by just being where you are, where you feel all-powerful and strangely vulnerable, where you close your eyes and visualize with the other senses, where you get things out of you which you didn't even know existed before that time and are still unsure of, where you feel you can rest at last.

Don't Quit

2008-08-20T19:59:00.004+05:30

I have seen this poem countless times but the numbers have no effect in diminishing the effect that these lines still have on me (plus it has the habit of coming in front of my eyes in the most unexpected places and without warning, and then making me realize how much i needed it at that time) . It's just done the appearing act once again -

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have a sigh,

When care is pressing you a down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

2008-08-18T03:00:00.005+05:30

u see
i don't have a point
or a way or a place
the good, the easy, the cosy
all come to me
one by one
sometimes together
each at its own pace
the life, the drain, the pain
all stare at my face
i just gaze back
in silence
i don't try to talk
its tough to say words
u see
i don't have a point
i just blink and walk.

2008-08-16T04:49:00.003+05:30

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

freedom

2008-08-16T03:04:00.003+05:30

its 3 am and i dont want to sleep. comes from a guy who had problems keeping his eyes open after 10 pm and 3 or 4 am was the start of a new day. i was browsing through the layouts for blogs. why ?? coz i saw some blog which was looking good and had many visitors to it and i felt jealous. i want that too. do i, really ?? i guess not. as they say, i like the idea of it but not the thing itself. when i started this blog i wanted this, not then, but someday, to be the vent of everything that i wanted but couldnt do coz people around me didnt allow me to. i wanted to write. picking up a pen and keeping a diary everywhere was difficult. i have lines written, thoughts jotted down in a number of copies and diaries. with each came the freshness of a start and the hope of a future. and inevitably, each has failed. this has not. thats why i hav stuck to it. one of the best decisions ever made.
i wrote to let it out. but then, every now and then, who saw me letting it out became important. vanity decided the words. why overshadowed by how. and hence the opening without the release, the sleep without the rest. i need to escape from all this. but escape is never a solution. i need to fight all this. and i think its easy. even if its not, i am going to experiment. i'll just do what i want here. no thinking. i m answerable to noone. after all its my life, or rather, my blog. i am entitled to that freedom.
yesterday was independence day.you know, India's Independence Day. one of the most unpatriotic independence days for me. i didnt go to the flag hoisting. but except for that, nothing else was different. what do we do on independence day anyways. change gtalk's status message, profile picture, in the morning put some songs about the country on the computers, attend the flag hoisting, have a nice lunch in the mess and by the time we return from the mess, we are thinking of what to do with the free hours, all thoughts of independence say lost from our minds. do we need something else. do we need to feel something else. depends. you just need to ask questions. simple questions. the simplest questions provide the biggest and the best answers. which question then, thats the problem. for me, i just want that freedom.

Long lost

2008-08-14T08:13:00.004+05:30

What's life..
to love when it can be lost
to go on when progress seems futile
to build castles when they're gone with the blink of an eye...
to feel ecstasy in the face of agony
to get into insipid routines with the joy of a kid
to long for what could have been but never did
to hope it will
to cherish every moment not knowing what's next
to live
and
to never give in.

2008-08-09T14:13:00.001+05:30

' I'm going out', his father said.
' I'll move into the drawing room then', he replied and took his pen, copy and the book he was supposed to be reading with him and reclined on the plastic chair in the new room. He watched as his father started his motor-cycle and got out from the boundary wall onto the road and along that road as he disappeared around the bend at the end of the street. He folded his legs on top of the bed, slid a bit on the chair so that he was effectively sitting on his waist and adjusted his copy on his thighs, taking support of the hardness of the book and took out his pen. He thought of something to write, as he had planned. Where should he start. Something short, surely. Maybe he could think of some anecdote. But he could think of none. He knew it would be better if he wrote of something from his surroundings, of the people around him, something he knew. He could choose any of them. Which one then? Maybe he could write of an incident or even concoct one consisting of those numerous lower-caste children who entered his house premises at all hours of the day to jump from the boundary wall into the ground in front where they played. But it was tough. He could think of nothing of interest to write in that. It would be far easier if he wrote about one of the families in the neighbourhood. Which interesting one did he know? The one where they had five children and two of the girls had fled one by one, the younger, in her early teens, to be found later, and the older, with one of the other boys in the colonies, to be married to him later. Here was enough to write one story at least. India TV would have loved it. Who should narrate then? The mother? But he didn't know whether he would be able to convey as a woman. It was too ambitious. Maybe he could start as some other neighbour who had seen all this, but then how to express what the family felt. It would be complicated. Maybe not as a narrative, just as a scene. But it was tough to think of that too. God, this was not easy. Ah, there was the electricity ! He switched on the fan and felt the cool air. It had been raining throughout the day. He switched on the TV, but there was no signal. He switched it off. No. He must think of something else. This was too big for a first. Maybe he should pick up the grouchy old man who had broken all road laws while making his house, but was now ready to beat any child who even tapped at his walls. Maybe he could write write about his encounter with some children. But that wouldn't burn a hole in the paper. No, something else. He turned on the TV again. No reception still. The cable guys have got a monopoly. Their service has touched new lows. No reception even when there was electricity. That girl on the road! Who was she? He remembered. She was the sister of the woman who lived in the hut in front of his house. She and her husband had been made to leave their house in some other city. She had now come to live at her mother's where after her death, the eldest had gain control. He'd heard they've been having fights every now and then about the division of the household. Maybe something from there. No. He knew so little about their feelings. Much less than the previous ones. He couldn't do it. Why was the signal on TV not coming? He switched it on. Finally. He closed the copy, put it down and slid a bit more on the chair.

2008-07-23T21:15:00.002+05:30

I write. The culmination of a series of postponements and a battle between romanticism and pragmatism is my surrender. To produce thoughts clear enough to be put into words is tough; tougher still is to find those words. I read that reading provides depth of knowledge; speech, wit and quickness of thought; and writing, clarity and preciseness. I dont have depth, wit, quickness, clarity or preciseness. The only thing I possess is a vague notion that I can write and write well but the skill needs honing and hence I should write. Belief that there are things everywhere which could be learnt and used in life for our purpose, is a long-standing and deep-rooted one with me. But each thing starts off a series of thoughts which are very consciously thought of and so must be retained for their value. For, mind is where the door to success is. And vision is like a dream, a model as to what I want. And vision comes only by thoughts.
On a very different topic , brilliance, I feel is a responsibility much more than a luxury or a privilege. Your brilliance reflect in its most perfect manifestation in your every undertaking.
Mind must be protected at all costs. Input is a must from all sides for the best discussion. But the results of discussion must be summarised, and that's not possible without the preciseness and clarity of writing.
Now, sleep.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2008-07-20T20:41:00.001+05:30

It's about sex, love, relationship, careers... a time in your life when everything's possible which is really exciting and really scary. It's about searching for love and commitment and security... and a fear of love and commitment and security. And its about friendship becoz when you're young and single and in a city, your friends are your family.

soliloquy

2008-07-14T14:38:00.008+05:30

This one's an excerpt from Byron's "Childe Harold's Pilgrimage" ... saw it on sum other blog...

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
There is a rapture on the lonely shore,
There is society, where none intrudes,
By the deep sea, and music in its roar:
I love not man the less, but Nature more,
From these our interviews, in which I steal
From all I may be, or have been before,
To mingle with the Universe, and feel
What I can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.

Khayyam series - part 2

2008-07-11T14:50:00.002+05:30

Dreaming when Dawn's Left Hand was in the Sky
I heard a Voice within the Tavern cry,
"Awake, my Little ones, and fill the Cup
Before Life's Liquor in its Cup be dry."

A picture a day

2008-07-10T20:24:00.006+05:30

Things change, and not always for the best, though I never deny some ulterior motives. But on the surface, most of the times, we find ourselves in situations unthought of. Procrastination doesn't pay, coz one truth of life is that you can't escape it. Now or later, not now or never, drives this world. The latter phrase though is from some kindly soul who wanted people to meet the hardships when they were young and not when a few more years have been deposited on their already drooping shoulders.

-draft-

2007-10-20T16:57:00.002+05:30

I feel i am being tested. I feel this is one of those periods which come in one's life and which, though one doesn't remember them as such, leave a mark on one's subconscious and shape a part of the way we approach the rest of our life. This is the time which decides whether in the future you will draw courage from your past or the thought of the past will bog you down. .. .. ..

I QUIT

2007-10-02T11:30:00.001+05:30

I am tired. I've been tired throughout the day. And sleep is not the solution. I'm tired of finding the solution too. I just want to quit. Just say 'I quit' as Bhaskar's stat says, raise my hands and surrender. Lie down and leave it all to god knows what, or maybe just god. I'm tired of caring about everything and trying to make them work. Everytime I close my eyes, there is a pain at the very depth of my eyes. I just want to sleep but it doesn't come that easily. I've lost belief. Belief in my self, in how I ever hope to do all the things that I hope to do. I want to get on a high. I guess I'm a very moody person.

gone with the wind

2007-09-30T09:20:00.002+05:30

What's this life for me, howz it goin right now? Is it not a hundred questions going through my mind, a thought that enters and eludes my mind, or my continuous interest and a simultaneous failure to write something and then not classify it as dishonest? Or is it just my trial to continue to persevere or having a feeling of perseverance, a fulfilment which i provide to my soul to console it and keep it alive. Alive and kiking'. Hah! nice line that. U dont form in the wet sand, u dont form at all, i do, yeah. Closing my eyes, and see it all, listening to all and let your heart decide. Just want to lose yourself, lose it all, to the moment, in the moment, just be there and move with the rhythm. A wave through the body, emanating in the toes and working its way up all the way to knees, and chest and nose and forehead, and putting you to sleep, where you want to experience it and also to do something that keeps it forever.And then i wake up and the reality dawns and just the peak i have of the other realm makes me want more. I get tired and its just another day that passes, and its all the same. My love affair with everywhere, so innocent why do you care,... my sunny side so up and......

catharsis

2007-09-02T09:21:00.001+05:30

Ah love, if thou and I could with fate conspire
To change this sorry scheme of things entire
Would we not shatter it to bits
And remould it nearer
To our hearts' desire ?

- Omar Khayyam

Exactly my sentiments at the present moment.

First Hangover.....

2007-02-26T21:03:00.002+05:30

A weekend of firsts.... first time someone talked to me about my future, my first foray into the outer world, my first quiz, first puff of classic milds, and as the weekend doesnt quite end till the morning hours of monday, my first nice test this sem.... quite somethings.... loved you all ... background of kane and abel.... this years love.... a cutie with soft skin and dangling earrings.... GOD.... memorable...

Ways of the past

2007-02-03T01:26:00.003+05:30

This is a post i had drafted long back, when i used to be a kid in my first year at an engineering institute and didnt have the sloth box at my room,which i had to share with a human sloth (God help me when he reads this),and i invariably woke up in the morning(i had this bad habit of disturbing my body parts at seven in the morning), dressed up(thats pretty,as they say, ob),wore shoes(this i did daily and the torture made their wearing time shoot up to less than a year),took my bag(a green-colored one which i lost on that fateful Saturday),put a water bottle in it(a blue-colored one which was later sacrificed to a dehydrated girl when she chose to fall in the class precisely on the day when only I was the one with water and just as stupid to forget to take it afterwards), put a few copies in the bag too, and walked out of my room, to come back not before half a day long time had passed,and my path took me across the institute to the computer lab,library,canteen and,in between,to some of the classrooms that fell in the way.....

O God !! I just love this feeling....of coming to the IPC, getting instantaneously hit by a pleasant cool wave, finding a computer with the mouse not on leave and the monitor not putting up a black screen with horrendous symbols scaring the orkut out of your minds, then having done that,sitting on the chair with a sigh of relief, moving your butt towards the very end and letting your body rest on your waist, and then finding out that there's some problem with the internet connections in the computer and it absolutely refuses to show anything in an internet explorer window....and with anything i mean something of use...... and then getting up,looking around for some gap between heads(especially heads with long hairs), squeezing between chairs to reach your new-found place,generally opening different sites in a number of windows and then scanning through the contents of the computer to find some game(ninja and copter have been favourites from these days), looking up from the screen everytime the door opens to check if it lets in some familiar face, and after a period of time that sees you look at different groups of students moving in and out of the lab, many with the siren announcing their arrival, you get up,pick up your bag, and move out.

Somedays are not sundays...

2007-01-31T17:57:00.002+05:30

There are days that are good and days that are bad. There are days when you get up in the morning and do your job and things as you are expected to. Things go your way and things dont go your way, and in the end, it evens out. Then there are days when everything goes your way and you get to do whatever you set out to do not the way you hoped to do but the way you wanted to do. These are pretty rare occasions and you wish they happened more often without realising that thats what would make them lose their charm(does it happen ever, i wonder...). And there are days still that come your way once in a while and once you end them, you are left dreading the next time they come, and at same time getting comforted that you dont need to, as they say,lose much sleep over them because they cant be worse than what you just went through (amazing how optimism is born to helplessness). These are days when nothing, and i dont need to repeat it if you have already gone through one, goes your way and after a few disasters on the trot you dont do anything, fearing that it is one of those days and anything that you might wish to do will most certainly turn out to be something you never dreamed of. But you forget that these days are not to be avoided for nothing, for their parthian shots are just as dangerous as any of their war-time plots and capable of wreaking havoc on the following days too. And, for me, one of these days was this Saturday. But i dont think i will summarise the events of such a day and cast a shadow on those who read this (though i am seriously in doubt if anyone does so) . I just rest assured that now, probably i dont have to face one of those again for quite sometime. And maybe when next i get too much of happiness in my life, i will recollect these events and let my mood get sombre again.
For now, let it rest at that.

Reflections

2006-12-08T19:56:00.002+05:30

As Maria says,"Human beings can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness. It is the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings." That's where I think lies the answer to my question about what there's about loneliness that makes us grow and be at peace with ourselves; why spending time with oneself is considered necessary to make one strong and calm in soul. It's because at those times of loneliness, in those moments of being alone with one's self, we suffer because there's noone to talk to and then we talk to ourselves. There's noone to console us and then we reflect sincerely on what's wrong with us and what we need to do. And its only then that we delve deep into ourselves and find what we are made of.

I lost and found the answers in just twelve months.....way to go!

:-)

2006-05-04T12:09:00.001+05:30

After sitting through so many exams where I just managed to do so-so and where the only good thing was that I had something to contribute to my sheets till the ringing of the bell, though that was entirely because I was slow enough to not complete half of my questions and so had to scribble down incomprehensible answers in indetectable fonts, I , at last, at long long last, have something to smile for. I just had my Computer Programming exam and I think I did fairly well and the best thing was that I could complete my paper beforetime. So now I am quite happy and I think that a few good hours sleep is due........

Near again

2006-04-26T19:08:00.001+05:30

I am in a great hurry ......got to get to the mess before everything's finished and i am left on the mercy of the night canteen .....just sneaked in to write that i have got a lot to cope with at present.....got finals coming ( and i just completed three novels, The Stranger,which I was reading during my last post,and two more, by the names of The Devil and Miss Prym, and Eleven Minutes, both by Paolo Coelho; I'd like to write about them sometime, but not now..).So you can imagine the tension i am in ( but at least i did get the tension; I wasn't getting it for a long time.Now i think i'll study...). Also got into this bad habit of playing cards with friends in the hostel room...(actually its not bad, as we do it only for fun, but i'm getting kind of addicted to it; hence stopped it now...). Nothing more to complain about.....well, in fact, no 'more', there's absolutely nothing to complain. I have been in great spirits past few days and enjoying everything........

Faraway

2006-04-20T20:30:00.001+05:30

well, a lots changed since my last post...........got my exams over(hoooof) , got finals coming (ah,not again! ) , saw a really nice movie by the name of 'Crash' (though it was after a horrific 40 min experience with 'Teesri Aankh' ) , and there's been an i-think-definite progress in my L-life(this one i'd been hoping for sooo long).......
The end of sem is approaching,and preps are being made as to who will be going where next year,how will be the holidays,and so on and so forth.There's also a momentary lapse of urgency in the people as the next exams are about ten days away and most dont prepare that early,and surely not just after a series of exams.Anyways, all seems for the good,and hope it remains as it is and we all could just get on with our lives as we have always done, letting it take a meandering path, and being dragged along by it.So, all said and done, life seems just another day,and I should now stop here,sign out and leave, without giving it another damn thought.......
But wait....i am still not feeling over, i still want something.i think i 'm not done yet.i think i have some more to say, something that is there,something thats in there waiting to be told, that needs to be told,and maybe if it comes out, once i am over with it,i'll be a little calmer...........
everything's just fine,is it ? i should just try to move on.but just for a second i stop and what do i find myself in.......a wish to study real hard to make top grades, but the lack of motivation to make the wish come true; an inner longing to do something worthwhile,but not the knowledge of the goal; a desire to learn, but the absence of a motive; a moment to look back, but the blurring of the vision; a dream to share, but the absence of a friend; a place to sleep, but nothing to rest.....
and thats when i feel lost.....empty.

2006-04-11T17:39:00.001+05:30

The Phoenix rises again......

Taking inspiration from this statement, written on the opening screen of one of the ftp servers of my college, I think I'll resume posting here......The posting had stopped because of many reasons, my studies, my laziness and most of all the incapability of the lab to load this webpage whenever I was free.I seriously tried so many times....

But let me not mull over whats past......its gone and forgotten.....I should make a new beginning.........

Nothingness

2006-03-02T10:18:00.001+05:30

Well, well, well ! College life is really tough, or rather, busy. You only need to drop your guard guard for a day or two, and sometimes not even that, and it grows over you. I went down with fever for three days, had to miss my Chemistry test, took a day or two off to recuperate, and now i find myself looking down a long list of things to do. Though only a few of them are indispensable, but still, the rest need to be done. Thats why it took me so long to post.
Anyways, i haven't got much to say now except the obvious, i.e., i haven't got something to write about......So i'll just stop here.

Ah, the lectures !!

2006-02-19T10:29:00.001+05:30

One of the most important things in one's college life is lectures . Ah, those lectures !!! Where the whole motive of learning miraculously changes to a million other activities, and some quite useless ones too. Well not quite useless, they do have some purpose. Actually it depends on your perspective. If you think that the sole purpose of going to lectures is to study, then you will consider the journey of students like me to the LTC ( that stands for Lecture Theatre Complex) a complete waste of time. But if you, by any chance, belong to that great clan of students who believe that the going to lectures and learning something are two completely different works and their happening at the same time is a mere coincidence and nothing more, then you might find that going to lectures is one the most purposeful activities that one does in his or her entire college life. So the million dollar quesion that comes up in our minds is " Why does one attend lectures ? " , and fortunately the answer comes as quickly, if not quicker. But the problem is that it's so varied in its forms that I will have to take some time to put it in a more comprehensible form.

What does it cost to have a celebration?

2006-02-17T09:25:00.001+05:30

Another of those forwarded mails......

A winter evening.
Four friends.
One barsaati.
Four glasses of chai.

Hundred bucks of gas.
A rusty old bike.
An open road.

Maggi noodles.
A hostel room.
4.25 a.m.

3 old friends.
3 separate cities.
3 coffee mugs.
1 internet messenger.

Rain on a hot tin roof.
Pakoras deep-frying.
Neighbours dropping in.
A party.

You and mom.
A summer night.
A bottle of coconut oil.
A head massage.
Gossiping about absent family members.

You can spend hundreds on birthdays,thousands on festivals,lakhs on weddings,but to celebrate all you have to spend is your Time.

Cheers

2006-02-13T11:32:00.001+05:30

I missed posting yesterday, but no problem, it doesn't actually matter......I can do that today. And for today its a poem......

upon my heart, a gentle touch
a lonely whiff of air
you dont know how you make me feel
when i find you standing there...

i know i love, i know i do
but i know not how to share
that one thing that i know is true
you are the all i care.

2006-02-09T13:44:00.001+05:30

I was having exams, so I could not write here, though I had saved a bit of what I was writing on one of the comps in computer lab of my college. But today, as I opened it to add something, I found that someone had written something about what I had written.Here it is....

(This is what I'd written)
Last few days once again confirmed my belief in two things........
First is when we are told that in student life, one should only concentrate on studies and sports and leave the reflection-on-your-life sort of thing for later stages, then there is surely some truth in that. So when I was deep down in dumps, I just did what I thought I should do, i.e., I just concentrated on my studies and played football and TT. And here I am, once again in full flow....................

(this is what the unknown person had written)
whoever wrote the above, here are my views .......
everything depends on what exactly do u mean by "reflection on your life"........If what I think is the case(am taking myself as an example here) then I disagree with u........If not now then when are u going to do it???? When its too late to do anything about it......When u r working a 9 to 9 job in a plush a/c office in bang???(thats what most bitsians do)........When u have 2 kids whose future u'd need to think of???(thats where everybody starts compromising).......c'mon man wake up!!! I dont mean to say that u are wrong. All I am doing is arguing your statements from my point of view.......
cheers

I have quite forgot what the second thing was. And whatever I remember, I feel it best not to put it here.Anyways, I finally succeed to make a post.

despo....

2006-02-01T23:13:00.002+05:30

today was so tiring......well,its been like that for quite some days now.I woke up a few minutes after seven ( though i used to get up as early as four or five,when i was younger and it made me feel proud that i could do something that others didnt, but now i feel very hopeless at my state, i feel like i am not doing anything worthwhile, and well.....it all contributes to my present state ), then i get ready for classes ( o shehhh, this semester i have got classes everyday from eight in the morning, when i feel like so warm and sleepy inside the blanket).......i am so blank minded since morning that i dont even care whether i have breakfast or not, i just pass it and then have to go to the institute canteen or on the ready-wallah for samosa or maggi or whatever........i have just got on to this habit of passing time lazily......i couldnt even make a post here( though i did try a few times ).......getting to classes without studying ( i have been giving myself excuses that classes havent yet got in full flow, so i dont need to study,pretty lame, eh!) but the biggest problem is that even though i have been a bit put out lately, but still there are a numerous ways you could involve yourself so that you do something that counts, not for anybody else,but just for you.......but (now this is the fourth but in a row ) still i havent done that........

rem·i·nis·cences....

2006-01-28T22:00:00.002+05:30

These are just a few words I wrote about a year back when I was in twelfth standard...........
Its something that came quite spontaneously and straight from my heart ,and as is always the case which such things, they are in my mother tongue, which is Hindi...........so perhaps, a few of you will not be able to understand it.
Anyways, here it is...

aaj phir tumhari yaad ayee hai...

kisi anjaan jharokhe se
is madmast hawa ne
na jane kaise, kyun
ye aag lagayi hai...
aaj phir tumhari yaad ayee hai...

tumse milne ki tamanna
tumhare jane ka gum
in khwahishon khyalon ki
na jaane kaun, aaj
de raha duhai hai...
aaj phir tumhari yaad ayee hai...

Gone are the Days !!!

2006-01-25T13:01:00.003+05:30

Well, this is one mail which has been forwarded to me by one of my friends and i present it before u...........

Gone are the days, My Friends !!!
When the school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches!
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays,
yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing with slates and pencils,
and progressed to fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to color pencils and finally sketch pens!
When we started calculating first with tables and then with Clarke's tables and advanced to calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals,
and returned to the classrooms drenched in sweat!
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,playgrounds,under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world,decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,
Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played"kabaddi" and "Kho-Kho" in scorching sun,
While others simply played"book cricket" in the confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 3:45 to"Conquer" window seats in our School bus!
Whilefew others had "Big Fun", "peppermint","kulfi", " milk ice !" and "sharbat !" at 4 o'Clock!
Gone are the days of Sports Day,
and the Annual School Day ,
And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly,Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days of tenth and twelfth standards,
When we spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.
With so much fun in them, so many friends, so much experience, all this and more!
Gone are the days
When we used to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don't have time to say a `Hi'!
Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!
Now we code on the road with laptop!
Gone are the days
When we saw stars shining at night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn't work!
Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms.....!
Gone are the days
Where we studied just to pass!
Now we study to get better jobs!
Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the ATM as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!
Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don't shout even at home
Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....!!
Gone are the days
But not the memories,
which will be lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever .....
Gone are the Days!
But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!
NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE ,
DONT FORGET TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL EXISTS!

Cheers !!!

2006-01-18T21:16:00.000+05:30

Last Sunday was a day for fun and a trip to Delhi for the AutoExpo 2006.
Some models to behold.......

Feels nice

2006-01-12T20:40:00.002+05:30

Something, somewhere....
But I dont know what
Makes my heart go just so fast!
In the songs of the leaves,
In the whistles of the breeze,
In the blue of the sky,
I cant find a reason why...
My lips have a smile,
There's a joy in my voice,
There's a spring in my step,
And I feel so nice.....

News2

2005-11-18T15:15:00.000+05:30

Today's TOI brought two interesting pieces of information-

One the 1st page,there's Mr.Arjun Singh,the HRD minister, demanding Muslim quota in pioneer institutions like IITs, IIMs and IIFT.Surely, he thinks that Muslims in a country like India do need special attention.This in spite of the fact that we, the INDIANS have never really differentiated between Hindus and Muslims, or for that matter, between any of the religions.The Muslims have been a part of our culture, traditions, successes, celebrations, sorrow, everything.Muslims in India have held the highest of positions ranging from being The President and Head of many defense programs to being the Captain of our national cricket or hockey teams.All the Indians drool over the stars of Bollywood without for once differentiating between them.We are so intermingled that no one really cares which religion the other belongs to.Then why does this reservation for Muslims which will forever be reminding us that we are somehow different ??Instead of taking pride in the fact that we as a community are mature enough not to differentiate between each other, some of us keep trying to bring out our differences.Its really disappointing.We should always remember that understanding doesn't lie in resolving our differences;it lies in living harmoniously in spite of having differences.And here we are talking about having reservations in educational institutions getting into which is considered to be a feat of extraordinary intellect.Having a quota for any community will only mean that the community needs some special help to compete with others in something which is not related to one's religion,but is inherent to every human being.Thus, its also unfair to the people of other community which is not being given reservations.Its high time we stop giving the least bit of attention to these acts of foolishness, bordering on being ridiculous.

Coming to something less serious..........One of the nominations for the TIME's Person of the Year award is not someone, but something! Its the Hurricane Katrina. Considering the impact that it had on the USA, the TIME is perhaps justified..........though one thinks why was the Tsunami not considered........maybe because it was not given a name.

phooo......

2005-11-15T23:28:00.001+05:30

Bah! Humbug

2005-11-15T18:13:00.003+05:30

A million miles, a thousand smiles, a lonely path, a day without bath, some chit and chat, some this and that, rotis and pizzas, dhabas and plazas, filthy rooms, without brooms, computer labs, chocolate slabs, tulips and roses, pipes and hoses, bags in greens, blue's spleens, shades and jeans, vcs and deans, sasta talks, moody walks, ghoting sessions, morning lessons, books, looks, sports, snorts, cells, bells, deos, neos, whos, dos, sigh, why ........??

2005-11-10T18:26:00.001+05:30

Well, the good news is that I got some time to make a post, but the bad news is that I dont know what to ...............so here I go with whatever comes to my mind first......
ok its a poem by me........titled 'FREEDOM'-

What I wish is Freedom,
complete Freedom.
Not the freedom of a fly
which seldom soars in sky
But the freedom of fragrance
which transcends all heights,
though diminished
it never gets blemished
and gives all a pleasure
that they can always treasure
long after its finally finished
This Freedom
not of physical presence
but just giving a feeling of presence
which, for future, all could save
This is the Freedom for which I crave.

Quiet intro

2005-11-10T12:00:00.000+05:30

Hi!!!
So what we have got here is a blog which is just getting started........ummm.........so i m not going to take much of your time except saying that its going to be be updated quite quickly and frequently.......so keep checking.........and.....as for its contents.....well.......you will find it all here......so just keep droppin with your droppings.......
bye...